Query failed: connection to localhost:9312 failed (errno=111, msg=Connection refused). Friday humour - Off Topic Discussions on The Fretboard
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UNPLANNED DOWNTIME: 12th Oct 23:45

Friday humour

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  • DefaultMDefaultM Frets: 6724
    edited October 2023
    https://i.postimg.cc/8csPdJzq/IMG-20231003-WA0003.jpg
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  • proggyproggy Frets: 5721
    My missus said she wanted a fur coat for her birthday, so I got her a cheapie made from hamster pelts.

    When we went to the fairground I couldn't get her off the big wheel.
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  • equalsqlequalsql Frets: 5849
    (pronounced: equal-sequel)   "I suffered for my art.. now it's your turn"
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  • KittyfriskKittyfrisk Frets: 16332
    The optimist of the year award goes to...




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  • EricTheWearyEricTheWeary Frets: 15603
    proggy said:
    My missus said she wanted a fur coat for her birthday, so I got her a cheapie made from hamster pelts.

    When we went to the fairground I couldn't get her off the big wheel.
    Kittyfrisk said:
    The optimist of the year award goes to...




    Oddly enough these two comments have reminded me of a sobering thought about my own mortality. I have asked my family for only two things after I have passed away: 
    For my remains to be scattered over my favourite ride at Alton Towers.
    For my body not to be cremated. 


    I’ll handle this Violet, you take your three hour break. 
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  • equalsqlequalsql Frets: 5849
    (pronounced: equal-sequel)   "I suffered for my art.. now it's your turn"
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  • proggyproggy Frets: 5721
    EricTheWeary said:
    proggy said:
    My missus said she wanted a fur coat for her birthday, so I got her a cheapie made from hamster pelts.

    When we went to the fairground I couldn't get her off the big wheel.
    Kittyfrisk said:
    The optimist of the year award goes to...




    Oddly enough these two comments have reminded me of a sobering thought about my own mortality. I have asked my family for only two things after I have passed away: 
    For my remains to be scattered over my favourite ride at Alton Towers.
    For my body not to be cremated. 


    I'd like to go to Alton Towers with a load of nuts and bolts in my pockets and whilst on a ride hand them to the person next to me and say "Look what I've just found"
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  • rogdrogd Frets: 1430
    May be an image of text
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  • swillerswiller Frets: 662
    Female pensioner enters chemist asking about viagra for her husband...
    "what strengths do they come in?"
    25%/50%/75% and 100% replies the phamacist.
    "whats the difference?"
    "well 25% will perk him up at a slight angle and 100% he will be pointing at the ceiling for hours".
    "ill take the 25%" she says
    "That might not  do much good for an older gentleman or for you madam if i may say so" replies the pharmacist.
    "Sure,  but It will stop him pissing on his slippers".
    Dont worry, be silly.
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  • rogdrogd Frets: 1430
    May be an image of 1 person musical instrument and text that says A National Geographic photographer captures the rarely seen birth of a bass player
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  • TheMarlinTheMarlin Frets: 7236
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  • proggyproggy Frets: 5721
    I've got a new job making little plastic Dracula dolls. We're working flat out though as there are only two of us here.

    I have to make every second count.
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  • blobbblobb Frets: 2600
    May be an image of text that says HERE LIES THE MAN wHo DISCOVERED DYNAMITE HERE ALSO AND HERE MORE AND HERE HERE SOME MORE
    Feelin' Reelin' & Squeelin'
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  • TanninTannin Frets: 4394
    ^ His name was Alfred Nobel. His invention made him very rich and he bequeathed his fortune to the betterment of humankind. It is his vision and his money which created and still pays for the Nobel Prize.

    If you go to Stockholm you can visit his grave. Yes, there is only one of it, and he died after a stroke.




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  • munckeemunckee Frets: 11457
    Tannin said:
    ^ His name was Alfred Nobel. His invention made him very rich and he bequeathed his fortune to the betterment of humankind. It is his vision and his money which created and still pays for the Nobel Prize.

    If you go to Stockholm you can visit his grave. Yes, there is only one of it, and he died after a stroke.




    Way to suck the fun out of that one! 
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  • springheadspringhead Frets: 1522
    munckee said:
    Tannin said:
    ^ His name was Alfred Nobel. His invention made him very rich and he bequeathed his fortune to the betterment of humankind. It is his vision and his money which created and still pays for the Nobel Prize.

    If you go to Stockholm you can visit his grave. Yes, there is only one of it, and he died after a stroke.




    Way to suck the fun out of that one! 
    Quite. And not exactly revelatory, unless I’m also in some sort of minority that knows who Nobel is. 
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  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 23224
    edited October 2023
    He was also known for corruptly influencing sporting events or "fixing" as it's now known.  e.g. "The favourite in the 2:15 at Kempton has been nobeled".
    Humans are destructive parasites that will destroy the celestial oasis of Earth.  The sooner Homo Sapiens are extinct, the better.
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  • Winny_PoohWinny_Pooh Frets: 7202
    https://thehardtimes.net/culture/new-instagram-filter-makes-it-look-like-people-went-to-your-show/
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  • KittyfriskKittyfrisk Frets: 16332
    Tannin said:
    ^ His name was Alfred Nobel. His invention made him very rich and he bequeathed his fortune to the betterment of humankind. It is his vision and his money which created and still pays for the Nobel Prize.

    If you go to Stockholm you can visit his grave. Yes, there is only one of it, and he died after a stroke.




    Bastards will dump old tyres anywhere these days...
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  • KilgoreKilgore Frets: 8107
    munckee said:
    Tannin said:
    ^ His name was Alfred Nobel. His invention made him very rich and he bequeathed his fortune to the betterment of humankind. It is his vision and his money which created and still pays for the Nobel Prize.

    If you go to Stockholm you can visit his grave. Yes, there is only one of it, and he died after a stroke.




    Way to suck the fun out of that one! 
    Bang on.
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  • guyinlyonguyinlyon Frets: 202
    Tannin said:
    ^ His name was Alfred Nobel. His invention made him very rich and he bequeathed his fortune to the betterment of humankind. It is his vision and his money which created and still pays for the Nobel Prize.


    Alfred Nobel founded the Nobel Prizes to assuage his feelings of guilt at having invented many explosives and gun powders that wound up being sold to armies all over the world. 
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  • axisusaxisus Frets: 27656
    Way to suck the fun out of the thread ....
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  • DannyPDannyP Frets: 1521
    After inventing the ODR-1, Alfred Nobel was so dismayed at people believing it was a Tube Screamer, he actually blew himself up with dynamite. FACT.
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  • BigBearKrisBigBearKris Frets: 1684
    axisus said:
    Way to suck the fun out of the thread ....
    Yes, this thread is having hard time recently.

    Just when you thought it can't get any worse after the limericks...
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  • springheadspringhead Frets: 1522
    axisus said:
    Way to suck the fun out of the thread ....
    Yes, this thread is having hard time recently.

    Just when you thought it can't get any worse after the limericks...
           
    Just when you thought it can't get any worse after the limericks
    Some joker responds like a lunatic,
    He......  etc.  

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  • proggyproggy Frets: 5721
    I always thought Alfred Nobel was famous for inventing the Knock Knock jokes.....
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  • axisusaxisus Frets: 27656
    I thought that Alfred Nobel was a chef, isn't he famous for his Pea Surprise?
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  • rogdrogd Frets: 1430
    May be an image of 1 person and text that says Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese Philosopher Fuk Yu my life has been so much better
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  • TanninTannin Frets: 4394
    axisus said:
    Way to suck the fun out of the thread ....
    Don't shoot the bloody messenger. Shoot the ignoramus who drew the cartoon. He could have used pretty much any other explosive and wound up with a far better joke. 
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  • Philly_QPhilly_Q Frets: 20197
    Tannin said:
    axisus said:
    Way to suck the fun out of the thread ....
    Don't shoot the bloody messenger. Shoot the ignoramus who drew the cartoon. He could have used pretty much any other explosive and wound up with a far better joke. 
    Really?  We're getting into the subtleties of using the correct type of explosives - and let's face it, we should all be able to list dozens - in a comedy context? 

    This thread is dead.
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