Query failed: connection to localhost:9312 failed (errno=111, msg=Connection refused). Friday humour - Off Topic Discussions on The Fretboard
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UNPLANNED DOWNTIME: 12th Oct 23:45

Friday humour

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FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24595
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Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • bertiebertie Frets: 12145
    A Mummy covered in nuts and chocolate has been discovered in Egypt.

    Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche. 


    (stolen from Lord Tom B   on FB)
    just because you don't, doesn't mean you can't
     just because you do, doesn't mean you should.
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  • mike_lmike_l Frets: 5698
    :D very droll Bertie......

    Ringleader of the Cambridge cartel, pedal champ and king of the dirt boxes (down to 21) 

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  • EricTheWearyEricTheWeary Frets: 15603
    bertie said:
    A Mummy covered in nuts and chocolate has been discovered in Egypt.

    Does that make her a yummy mummy?
    I’ll handle this Violet, you take your three hour break. 
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  • CabbageCatCabbageCat Frets: 5549
    (It's "Rocher" not "Roche")
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  • bertiebertie Frets: 12145
    as in Cunt not Cat ?
    just because you don't, doesn't mean you can't
     just because you do, doesn't mean you should.
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  • KebabkidKebabkid Frets: 3178

    Some silly ones I've heard this week.

    What's the best cheese for hiding a horse?

    Mascapone

    What cheese should you use to coax a grizzly out of a cave?

    Camembert

    Feedback - http://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/57885/
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  • bertiebertie Frets: 12145
    sometimes  'aural' jokes dont translate well to being written
    just because you don't, doesn't mean you can't
     just because you do, doesn't mean you should.
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  • EricTheWearyEricTheWeary Frets: 15603
    Kebabkid said:

    Some silly ones I've heard this week.

    What's the best cheese for hiding a horse?

    Mascapone

    What cheese should you use to coax a grizzly out of a cave?

    Camembert

    What music does cheese like?

    R'n'Brie
    I’ll handle this Violet, you take your three hour break. 
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  • HAL9000HAL9000 Frets: 9107
    What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

    Halloumi!
    I play guitar because I enjoy it rather than because I’m any good at it
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  • JAYJOJAYJO Frets: 1470
    I had a curry and ten pints last night, was on the toilet in work all morning. Most uncomfortable actually, my mate said Ringsting! I said  Why? Whats he gonna do about it?
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  • strumjoughlampsstrumjoughlamps Frets: 3067
    edited January 2014
    bertie said:
    sometimes  'aural' jokes dont translate well to being written
    That's what I thought when I read yours 
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24595
    I caught my wife frigging herself off with her Sainsbury' s loyalty card.

    She's a nectarphiliac


    My workmates all take the piss out of me for being a train spotter.

    I got my own back on them though. I 'forgot' to radio them that one was coming through when they were working on a track fault.

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • VimFuegoVimFuego Frets: 14862
    presumably they didn't have chocolate in Egypt in the times of the Pharaohs.

    I'm not locked in here with you, you are locked in here with me.

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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24595
    Transfer deadline day breaking news!

    Amanda Knox linked with move to Italy.

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • mike_lmike_l Frets: 5698

    Little miss Muffet

    Sat on a tuffet

    lazy cow

    Ringleader of the Cambridge cartel, pedal champ and king of the dirt boxes (down to 21) 

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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24595
    It's said that pets and their owners can resemble each other.

    If that's true, I'd like to know where my wife keeps the hippo.

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • bertiebertie Frets: 12145
    strumjoughlamps said:
    That's what I thought when I read yours 
    ah, but it works - on the same principle as the "Rhino Neal"    or "sick squid"  jokes   but the cheesey based ones dont
    just because you don't, doesn't mean you can't
     just because you do, doesn't mean you should.
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24595
    I rang my daughters school up this morning.

    "Sorry, Amy won't be in today as she's not very well."

    "Oh dear," said her teacher, "what's she got?"

    "French, Maths and English I think."

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • DeadmanDeadman Frets: 3663
    Been asked to coach a football team in Sheffield midweek.

    I called them and said I can't manage Wednesday.
    I play at my dining room table.
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  • randomhandclapsrandomhandclaps Frets: 20521

     

    bertie said:
    A Mummy covered in nuts and chocolate has been discovered in Egypt.

    Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche. 

     

    A Mummy soap star has been accused of having his nuts felt by girls under 16.

    Archaeologists believe in may be be Pharaoh Roache


    My muse is not a horse and art is not a race.
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24595
    Jokes about ducks are not all they're quacked up to be.

    I had Cornflakes for breakfast again this morning.
    Times are tough at the moment being a chiropodist.

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • JAYJOJAYJO Frets: 1470
    One for my blue friends across the park who we well and truly stuffed on tues.
    A man was found in the Mersey this morning by police!
    He was wearing an Everton shirt a mini skirt stockings and suspenders 
    and had a dildo shoved up his arse.
    Police removed the Everton shirt to avoid further embarrassment to the mans family.
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  • ESBlondeESBlonde Frets: 3532
    Two peanuts were walking down the road, one was a salted.

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  • Phil_aka_PipPhil_aka_Pip Frets: 9793
    What's the difference between a dog and a fox?









    ... 10 pints
    "Working" software has only unobserved bugs. (Parroty Error: Pieces of Nine! Pieces of Nine!)
    Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
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  • bertiebertie Frets: 12145
    edited January 2014
    two buckets of puke walking past a pub, one turned to the other and said

    "I was bought up in there"


    two parrots sat on a perch,  one turned to the other and said

    "can you smell fish"
    just because you don't, doesn't mean you can't
     just because you do, doesn't mean you should.
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  • breakstuffbreakstuff Frets: 9764
    my wife called me today.
    She said,"Three of the girls in the office,have just received some flowers for Valentie's day.They are absolutely gorgeous"
    I said,"That's probably why then"
    Laugh, love, live, learn. 
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24595
    I wish I could find a job where I get paid to sleep.
    That would be my dream job

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • FretwiredFretwired Frets: 24595
    I don't have a very taxing job.
    I'm an accountant for Starbucks.

    Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
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  • Phil_aka_PipPhil_aka_Pip Frets: 9793
    why do women each have a reproductive tract?











    ... so that men will talk to them
    "Working" software has only unobserved bugs. (Parroty Error: Pieces of Nine! Pieces of Nine!)
    Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
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  • breakstuffbreakstuff Frets: 9764
    Superman's off on his holidays to Majorca but unfortunately has one too many In the airport bar.

    On boarding the plane the flight attendant says "sorry sir you're much too drunk to fly" on which he replys

    "Durrr that's why I need to get on the plane you fool"
    Laugh, love, live, learn. 
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