Friday humour

HAL9000 · January 2014

How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?

Two - one to fit the bulb and one to hold the penis er, I mean ladder

Islandape · January 2014

Two cannibals eating Bozo the clown.

One asks the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

Panama_Jack666 · January 2014

I've just seen Kevin Webster round the corner working on a 14 year old escort.

It was funnier when he was in the press.

Handsome_Chris · January 2014

Panama_Jack666 said:

I've just seen Kevin Webster round the corner working on a 14 year old escort.

It was funnier when he was in the press.

Or even before he was found not guilty. That poor man.

Handsome_Chris · January 2014

I finally got my car out of reverse: That's the way forward!

johnnyurq · January 2014

The difference between Pink and Purple?

The grip.

beed84 · January 2014

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair,

Simple Simon said to the pie man, "What have you got there?"

The pie man said to Simple Simon, "They're pies you daft bastard."

Bucket · January 2014

Two goldfish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says "How do you drive this thing?"

equalsql · January 2014

Did you hear about the fire at the soap factory?

The walls fell in with a thickening sud.

breakstuff · January 2014

My missus said "I bet you can't go a whole day without making a joke about my period. "I said "OK, you're on".

dindude · January 2014

I hate those Russian Dolls.

They're full of themselves.

bertie · January 2014

Panama_Jack666 said:

It was funnier when he was in the press.

really ?

Fretwired · February 2014

The head from a local phoned me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies."

I said "Tell him he's bloody good as I haven't got any kids!"

Fretwired · February 2014

British Maths Teaching

1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or £80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is £80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for £100. His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2013
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of £20. The logger is more likely to be a Tory. Does this make him evil? Topic for class participation after answering the question: how did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)