The cricket thread

scrumhalf · September 2019

How to get Smith out:

Grassy knoll (you know what I mean).
Two bowlers bowling at once. Helps with the over rate, too.
Dodgy lock on the away dresing room's toilet, he's timed out.
Put LSD in his drink.

munckee · September 2019

Won't matter if he runs out of partners.

VimFuego · September 2019

so this series has really been between England and Steve Smith (and Smith has pretty comprehensively spanked us).
Funny sport cricket, if he was a sprinter or a cyclist or something like that you'd accuse him of cheating, but unless he has some not yet invented doo hickey in his bat, then it's just down to his skill.

octatonic · September 2019

This test series would have been an utter humiliation for Australia if it wasn't for Smith.

earwighoney · September 2019

octatonic said:

This test series would have been an utter humiliation for Australia if it wasn't for Smith.

I think the test series would have been an humiliation for test cricket if it wasn't for Smith.

Well, maybe not that far there's been some good bowling but there's been some very poor captaincy, fielding at times and some truly abysmal batting from both sides.

Heartfeltdawn · September 2019

RandallFlagg said:

iseverynamegone said:

I’m so sick of Steve Smith

Don't be, he's an oustanding batsman and England should relish the challenge, how does Smit go against other teams? Someone must be able to get him.

No obvious weakness. The country he has the lowest average in is Bangladesh (29) but only two Tests there. In South Africa, UAE, and Sri Lanka he averages 41 to 43.

At home he averages 77, away he averages 61, 4 Tests played at neutral venues (UAE and England) he averages 34.

Spin? In 6 Tests in India he averages 60 with 3 tons. he can play spin OK.

The home average of 77: That's in 29 Tests with 13 tons. He's a flat track bully who nearly as much a bully on other types of wickets. This summer in England has been good for seamers as you can see from the averages of both sides and int he county scene. Smith's been on a different planet. I've seen good players on good wickets have great series but this has been something else. Maybe Lara in 1999 against Oz and in 2001 against Sri Lanka in SL.

VimFuego · September 2019

mind you, Smith doesn't explain our poor batting performance.

earwighoney · September 2019

VimFuego said:

so this series has really been between England and Steve Smith (and Smith has pretty comprehensively spanked us).
Funny sport cricket, if he was a sprinter or a cyclist or something like that you'd accuse him of cheating, but unless he has some not yet invented doo hickey in his bat, then it's just down to his skill.

It's an odd thing to say when you didn't include football.

IMO it's a strange old world when more cricketers have been punished for doping than football. IMO that's not down to whether there's doping in football, it's more down to how reluctant the officials in football are to punish it. There have been rumours flying around for a very long time, eg Pep Guardiola hiring Lance Armstrong's Doctor (I can't imagine it was down to his expertise in cycling)

VimFuego · September 2019

earwighoney said:

VimFuego said:

so this series has really been between England and Steve Smith (and Smith has pretty comprehensively spanked us).
Funny sport cricket, if he was a sprinter or a cyclist or something like that you'd accuse him of cheating, but unless he has some not yet invented doo hickey in his bat, then it's just down to his skill.

It's an odd thing to say when you didn't include football.

IMO it's a strange old world when more cricketers have been punished for doping than football. IMO that's not down to whether there's doping in football, it's more down to how reluctant the officials in football are to punish it. There have been rumours flying around for a very long time, eg Pep Guardiola hiring Lance Armstrong's Doctor (I can't imagine it was down to his expertise in cycling)

not sure what your point is. I didn't mention a lot of sports where doping is commonplace (though TBH I had no idea about doping in football).

crunchman · September 2019

NFL is the worst for doping. They aren't signed up to WADA. You get a 4 game ban for getting caught for a first offence, so there is no deterrent at all.

scrumhalf · September 2019

Smith fails!

VimFuego · September 2019

YES!!! 100ish lead may be enough.

scrumhalf · September 2019

Tail's wagging a bit.

scrumhalf · September 2019

What a catch by Burns!

scrumhalf · September 2019

Tricky 20 minutes to bat.

crunchman · September 2019

scrumhalf said:

Tricky 20 minutes to bat.

Bit worried we will be 2 or 3 down by stumps!

scrumhalf · September 2019

Burns could have taken a bit longer after that whack.

RandallFlagg · September 2019

Just got home after a horrendous Friday evening commute, heard plenty of action and just watched the wickets, that lad Curran has it swinging like the campest of LGBT Pride marches. What a bowler. Why TF has he not played in every match?

Get him on the plane to NZ & SA.

RandallFlagg · September 2019

scrumhalf said:

What a catch by Burns!

stunning

guitars4you · September 2019

A good day and far better than expected - Let's build on this tomorrow and ensure the series finishes 2 all - Apparently it would be the first 2v2 draw since 1972 - Interesting issue on that fact - I was at Headingley in 1972 and did not go back again for test match until 2019

earwighoney · September 2019

VimFuego said:

earwighoney said:

VimFuego said:

so this series has really been between England and Steve Smith (and Smith has pretty comprehensively spanked us).
Funny sport cricket, if he was a sprinter or a cyclist or something like that you'd accuse him of cheating, but unless he has some not yet invented doo hickey in his bat, then it's just down to his skill.

It's an odd thing to say when you didn't include football.

IMO it's a strange old world when more cricketers have been punished for doping than football. IMO that's not down to whether there's doping in football, it's more down to how reluctant the officials in football are to punish it. There have been rumours flying around for a very long time, eg Pep Guardiola hiring Lance Armstrong's Doctor (I can't imagine it was down to his expertise in cycling)

not sure what your point is. I didn't mention a lot of sports where doping is commonplace (though TBH I had no idea about doping in football).

Sorry I didn't mean to address your observations specifically. I was just rambling on about doping in football! A completely unrelated diversion, and you are right to question what my point was, as there was none!

earwighoney · September 2019

crunchman said:

NFL is the worst for doping. They aren't signed up to WADA. You get a 4 game ban for getting caught for a first offence, so there is no deterrent at all.

NFL is a truly fucked up sport. I've been getting into watching it and it's a brutal fascinating and quite sickening sport.

It's like watching a car crash in slow motion in 4K whilst some half naked girls dance around and weathermen with great teeth make comedic anecdotes.

skippy76 · September 2019

Talk about keeping the series alive

Heartfeltdawn · September 2019

earwighoney said:

It's like watching a car crash in slow motion in 4K whilst some half naked girls dance around and weathermen with great teeth make comedic anecdotes.

That's what happens down in Mar-a-Lago when the President is in town.

NorthernGooner · September 2019

Interesting how the two Ozzy 'outlaws' have responded to their year long bans from the game.
Smith has lain in his murky bath water and worked out a plan to rip up the MCC coaching manual and negate the
swinging ball in English conditions. The fact it looks fuck ugly is obviously of no consequence. Meanwhile chez Warner the 'bogun' mindset is in full swing and he thinks he's gonna smash the pom attack whilst looking like a '70's porn star and put a few more points on his batting average. Probably our only 'broadside' of the series. Geddit?

Smith isn't the first 'Crim' batsman to play in an unorthodox manner over here. Old footage of Bradman would show him flat batting balls outside the off stump back past the bowler in tennis style. I know Cricket can be a game of one chance but too many England's player are too inconsistent . Broad was dross today. We keep re-discovering Curran and then drop him. Leach is a county dobber. He'd be a grade cricketer in Oz.... no more. Life's too cosy with central contracts. Since McGrath retired the Ozzies have got four new quicks ....us? fuck all. ,,,,,'and here's the 49 year old James Anderson coming in to bowl from the Nursery end....'

lovestrat74 · September 2019

Is Paul Kossoff Steve Smith's Dad?

Image: https://i.imgur.com/CXIeHUV.jpg?1

Heartfeltdawn · September 2019

Can't have been. The guitar hero poses are too sensible to have Smith genes in him.

RandallFlagg · September 2019

If only we could have drawn at Old Trafford, imagine how more exciting this weekends play would be. Oh well.

scrumhalf · September 2019

Denly's giving 'Gary' some tap.

munckee · September 2019

Strewth Root put together a captains innings more often.

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