Death - is coming.

Danny1969 · September 2023

I quite fancy jumping off a cruise ship when I’m old. Have a good old jolly for a couple of weeks in the Caribbean then get wasted and jump overboard on the slog back. I like the idea of being dead in the sea more than being burned or buried.

I'm not worried about dying. Ultimately the properties we have as living conscious people are the result of emergent properties ... they aren't part of the fundamental building blocks of elements we are made of. So who knows, it's possible you die and live again with no memory of any previous existence.

Emp_Fab · September 2023

nero1701 said:

Emp_Fab said:

nero1701 said:

me...me...look at me...me...

Really ? You think it's attention seeking behaviour to ask a sensible question about a serious subject that people clearly want to discuss as it's reached three pages overnight ?

Why such bitterness and hostility ?

@Emp_Fab ;;;

I've been here for about a year and I've seen countless threads and comments from you with the lack of any real substance. Yes I do think its attention seeking. The majority of your banal threads are. Do you get a thrill with the little notification icon?

You'd have a point if this was one of the other sections of the forum, but it's Off Topic. It's a general free-for-all chat space, so chill out eh?

Dominic · September 2023

RaymondLin said:

First, thoughts about jumping off building, now thinking about death...

Sssh, don't tell him
It's all going in the right direction

Chalky · September 2023

Dominic said:

RaymondLin said:

First, thoughts about jumping off building, now thinking about death...

Sssh, don't tell him
It's all going in the right direction

Harsh! We'd miss him if he went!

Placidcasual79 · September 2023

Dominic said:

RaymondLin said:

First, thoughts about jumping off building, now thinking about death...

Sssh, don't tell him
It's all going in the right direction

I could be entirely wrong here - this is a vague recollection and I had admittedly had a lengthy tangle with the old jazz cabbage..... but I am sure I saw a documentary in which it was suggested that at one point people believed that the fatal part of falling from a height was the jump - that is to say people believed it wasn't the sudden collision with the floor that killed people who jumped off buildings - it was the fall itself that was fatal.....

@digitalscream - I think the story about your gran is reassuring - an ideal way to do it. I know this is a personal question so feel free to ignore it - but did she write anything in the letter that acknowledged what was about to happen?

swiller · September 2023

oi leave emp fab alone.

I will deffo go out on a drug OD.
A real shame we cant decide when we go, save pain, time the death for your loved ones, go peacefully, save LOTS of NHS money and pressure in no uncertain terms.

digitalscream · September 2023

Placidcasual79 said:

@digitalscream - I think the story about your gran is reassuring - an ideal way to do it. I know this is a personal question so feel free to ignore it - but did she write anything in the letter that acknowledged what was about to happen?

I haven't seen the letters, I only (eventually) found out what was in my mum's. She didn't explicitly mention it, but the entirety of the content of the letter would've been meaningless if she hadn't died before it was read, if you see what I mean.

imalrightjack · September 2023

My mam hasn't been in great shape for a while and recently had a confirmed diagnosis of posterior cortical atrophy (PCA) dementia, meaning she's likely to last only a few more years, at best. It's certainly brought the death of others into focus and a reminder of mortality.

I've meditated on death (death sangha) numerous times, which is a sobering reminder that I won't know anything when it happens, nobody can help me when it happens, etc. - in other words, we have only now, so I try to live my life accordingly. Not in a nihilistic 'don't care' way (I stopped drinking recently and have improved an already decent diet, plus exercise daily) but to fixate less on past/future.

We get only one go. I want to wring out of this life what I can but not in a goal-driven way, more to just enjoy whatever I do, even if it's wasting time chatting shit on a forum.

BluesLover · September 2023

imalrightjack said:

We get only one go. I want to wring out of this life what I can but not in a goal-driven way, more to just enjoy whatever I do, even if it's wasting time chatting shit on a forum.

This.
Was thinking something similar this morning as I hung the washing out...took pleasure in the sun shining and the blue sky.

Placidcasual79 · September 2023

digitalscream said:

Placidcasual79 said:

@digitalscream - I think the story about your gran is reassuring - an ideal way to do it. I know this is a personal question so feel free to ignore it - but did she write anything in the letter that acknowledged what was about to happen?

I haven't seen the letters, I only (eventually) found out what was in my mum's. She didn't explicitly mention it, but the entirety of the content of the letter would've been meaningless if she hadn't died before it was read, if you see what I mean.

Yes I do - it's nice to think that she (your gran) was trying to reassure or comfort your mum.

Placidcasual79 · September 2023

My girlfriend's brother in law died last year. He was given 6 months to live when they found tumours on his spine. He lived for nearly 18 months.... it was a really rough thing - he was in a lot of pain - he wanted to pass at home when they wanted him in hospital and I think that had some effect on the treatment he could receive. He was a really good fella - a family man who really loved his wife and kids. He was very positive and strong mentally and physically. A couple of months before he died he'd told a few people in the family that he had got all his affairs in order and wanted to check out ono his own terms - he didn't like being cared for and was in a lot of pain. He was conflicted - he wanted as much time as he could get with his wife and kids (adult kids) and they wanted as much time as they could get with him. The last few months were really hard for everyone. - but when he did pass he'd had the opportunity to make sure his wife and kids knew exactly how he felt about them and what he wanted for their future. He'd also made a lot of arrangements finically to support the people he cared about - he did a lot of nice things for people for when he'd gone and he wrote letters to his wife, two kids and one of his brothers to read after he passed. It was rough but I think the way he did it made it more manageable for the people he cared about..... I think if it were up to him he'd have maybe packed in once he had everything sorted rather than go through those last few months.

A colleague in work lost her mum to a long term degenerative illness two years ago. My colleague was exceptionally close to her mum - but I think there was a point at which she felt it would have been more compassionate not to continue but it did. For many more months.

It's a tough one. There is of course the religious aspect to it, then there are issues of consent and if that cannot be given or obtained who else should be able to take the responsibility.....

Chalky · September 2023

boogieman · September 2023

I hadn’t really thought that much about death until our young niece died suddenly a few weeks ago. Something like does make you very aware of your mortality. We’ve just updated our wills, because realistically that’s about all we can do.

bluecat · September 2023

Sweet. Nice comment.

thecolourbox · September 2023

Apparently I'm quite annoyingly blase and cold about my own death, I feel like when it's my turn to go it's my turn to go. And I don't really mind when it is from a selfish point of view - I'm not actively trying to die but you know, if it happens, then so be it. Obviously I don't want it to be a painful suffering death but even then, it'll be pretty obvious that's what I'm heading for so at least it's kind of finite and therefore should be more manageable. I'm a pretty weak person mentally so I don't suppose I'll have much fight in me.

I am more concerned for those left behind as I feel they will probably hold on to more emotion or grief than is necessary, and I suspect certain things will be harder to do and manage without me, but ultimately there's not that much I can do about that, so my job there is to make sure I have an much in place for them as I can. Life insurance and mortgage cover stuff, a will, all my passwords and stuff, and a detailed list of things I have which they could sell (and how much to sell them for), and my preferred location for the inevitable shrine that will be erected in my honour.

They all know what I want for my funeral - cremation, ashes scattered somewhere nice in the countryside (their choice), music will include Wayfaring Stranger, Going Home (words to tune of Dvorak's New World Largo) and Jeff Beck's Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

I don't think there's anything to be worried about for me, I hope that attitude serves me well

stevebrum · September 2023

Teetonetal said:

stevebrum said:

It’s not something I pretend isn’t going to happen, equally it’s not something that I allow to consume my thoughts too much.

My view is when your time is up - it’s up. Simple. There’s not a lot of point worrying or thinking to deeply about it.

That said, there are some things that are in my control to keep the reaper at arms length like staying healthy etc. So I do.

Pretty much sums up my own thoughts.

I'd like to hang around for another 13 years, so that nothing of my kids reach 20.

Absolutely - ideally I want to finish off my job as parent before I pop my cloggs. That’s the main reason for the push to improve/maintain my health once I hit 40, I need to be around as long as possible for them.

We don’t have wills though. So if me and the wife were to say perish in the same car accident it’d be a messy job to sort out for those we leave behind. One of those jobs we mean to do - but never get round to doing.

Chalky · September 2023

thecolourbox said:

Apparently I'm quite annoyingly blase and cold about my own death, I feel like when it's my turn to go it's my turn to go. And I don't really mind when it is from a selfish point of view - I'm not actively trying to die but you know, if it happens, then so be it. Obviously I don't want it to be a painful suffering death but even then, it'll be pretty obvious that's what I'm heading for so at least it's kind of finite and therefore should be more manageable. I'm a pretty weak person mentally so I don't suppose I'll have much fight in me.

I am more concerned for those left behind as I feel they will probably hold on to more emotion or grief than is necessary, and I suspect certain things will be harder to do and manage without me, but ultimately there's not that much I can do about that, so my job there is to make sure I have an much in place for them as I can. Life insurance and mortgage cover stuff, a will, all my passwords and stuff, and a detailed list of things I have which they could sell (and how much to sell them for), and my preferred location for the inevitable shrine that will be erected in my honour.

They all know what I want for my funeral - cremation, ashes scattered somewhere nice in the countryside (their choice), music will include Wayfaring Stranger, Going Home (words to tune of Dvorak's New World Largo) and Jeff Beck's Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

I don't think there's anything to be worried about for me, I hope that attitude serves me well

"Death never takes the wise man by surprise, he is always ready to go"

rlw · September 2023

Death per se isn't an issue as there's fuck all I can do about it except, maybe, delay it.

It's all the things I haven't done and the things I have done that I could have done better that bother me.

bluecat · September 2023

Anyone who gets wasted can't feel that strongly about life anyway, more like a waste of space to me. And also I thought the term was Rocket science, not Rocket surgery.
Just a thought.

digitalscream · September 2023

bluecat said:

Anyone who gets wasted can't feel that strongly about life anyway, more like a waste of space to me. And also I thought the term was Rocket science, not Rocket surgery.
Just a thought.

Knock it off.

bluecat · September 2023

Will do.

Cranky · September 2023

@Emp_Fab has an enhanced gift for banter and ‘pinion-sharing and I love that

slacker · September 2023

Re emp fab wait until you read one of sambostars posts (written with affection for both of them).

Re death there's heart disease on one side of my family and cancer on the other. I reckon I've got another 10 or 15 years left. I've had a strange relationship with death since 1986 when my brother died age 20.

Live life to the full while you have it.

stan · September 2023

I was always terrified of dying alone so I became a bus driver. sorted ....

richardhomer · September 2023

I hope to pass as my father did - gently drifting into oblivion - unlike his hundreds of screaming passengers…

littlegreenman · October 2023

An old school friend just posted her Son passed away, by his own hand. He was quite young, in his 20's. Depression and mental illness is very sad

Timcito · October 2023

Chalky said:

Nothing to fear about death. It is a reminder not to live in your head, and to live in the moment.

What kind of moment: physical or virtual? Nearly all my students, mainly 18-25 year olds, seem to live most of their waking hours in the virtual world rather than the physical one. They move around and attend to various functions in the physical one, but what really matters to them seems mostly virtual.

I wonder if being 'in the moment' virtually has the same soul-enriching benefits as being there physically ...

boogieman · October 2023

stevebrum said:

Teetonetal said:

stevebrum said:

It’s not something I pretend isn’t going to happen, equally it’s not something that I allow to consume my thoughts too much.

My view is when your time is up - it’s up. Simple. There’s not a lot of point worrying or thinking to deeply about it.

That said, there are some things that are in my control to keep the reaper at arms length like staying healthy etc. So I do.

Pretty much sums up my own thoughts.

I'd like to hang around for another 13 years, so that nothing of my kids reach 20.

Absolutely - ideally I want to finish off my job as parent before I pop my cloggs. That’s the main reason for the push to improve/maintain my health once I hit 40, I need to be around as long as possible for them.

We don’t have wills though. So if me and the wife were to say perish in the same car accident it’d be a messy job to sort out for those we leave behind. One of those jobs we mean to do - but never get round to doing.

@stevebrum. ;;You never finish your job with your kids. Mine are 31 and 29, my stepson is 38. They’ll always be your kids no matter how old they are and there’s really never a sign off point… the worries just change, that’s all.

Seriously, get your wills sorted, it doesn’t take long and it’s really not complicated. We signed our updated ones this week. A 30 minute phone consultation to sort out the basics, swapped a couple of emails and then we went into the offices to sign. Boom, done. The whole thing probably took a couple of hours max. A decent will writing firm will guide you anyway, maybe even pointing out things you’d never considered before. You can even do a simple will yourself as long as you’ve got a couple of witnesses there when you sign it. As you’ve alluded to, you never know what’s around the corner.

Emp_Fab · October 2023

All I'm saying is... nobody knows when it's coming, and having had to deal with the aftermath of my mother's death and my aunt's, as executor for both, it would have been a lot easier if all the information I needed had been readily available. In raising this topic, I'm hoping that at least some of you will stop and think about how difficult it might be for your partner to deal with all of that shit if you suddenly weren't here anymore. If some of you realise that they don't know the passwords, account details, insurances, etc etc and you have it scattered all over the place or in your phone or computer they don't have the password to etc, and decide to change that, so they don't have to dig for information when they are least capable of it, then I've achieved something.

People don't like to talk about death, so they often don't make proper plans. It's often left for those left behind to try to sort it all out. I've lost count of the number of times I've thought "Oh... mum will know the answer to this!" then realised she's not here anymore and all the knowledge she had is lost to me forever.

Maybe put together an "in case of my death" folder kept in a small fireproof safe, detailing the important information your partner will need should the worst happen. Maybe a personal note or video, your wishes for your funeral.... whatever is important to you. Even if you don't update it in the future, it will still be a lot better than leaving your loved ones guessing at information that you've just taken with you forever.

jonnyburgo · October 2023

Emp you have serious health issues and still you get wasted and eat shit and piss and moan and ruminate on death, a massive amount of death and illness are lifestyle related, so you are heading towards it sooner than you should if you carry on as you are. I'm not saying being healthy is going to make you live forever but you cut the risk of a lot of that stuff that drinkers/smokers/overweight people bring on themselves. I've had 2 family deaths in the last 6 months that were totally avoidable and yet they carried on and left the wreckage for everyone else to clear up. And yes I know this will fall on deaf ears.

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Death - is coming.

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