Clare_Bear's smiley happy thread

Sporky · August 2013

mike_l said:

Sporky said:

Does it improve if you put some gin in it?
Never tried that, why don't I have your foresight oh wise one?

Few people do, to be fair.

monquixote · August 2013

chillidoggy said:

This morning, I had my first shit after my operation! I can honestly say it was the most painful shit of my life, sat on the khazi, holding my wound whilst straining and wailing. Childbirth? Pfft!

I just thought you should know.

Probably the wrong thread for that post

@chilidoggy Get a bottle of lactolose. Costs about £3, tastes nice and will make your life a lot less painful.

Sporky · August 2013

Does that work for everything, or just for mollifying terror-poops?

monquixote · August 2013

Sporky said:

Does that work for everything, or just for mollifying terror-poops?

It's a modified sugar syrup that has an osmotic effect on your bowels meaning they contain a lot more water with obvious results.

I suspect companies don't push it because it's dirt cheap and not under any patents, but it's what they tend to give to pregnant women who suffer in this way.

How much it improves your life will depend on how much you enjoy doing very soft poos.

mike_l · August 2013

So nothing a good curry and a few beers wouldn't sort then.....

Sporky · August 2013

monquixote said:

How much it improves your life will depend on how much you enjoy doing very soft poos.

Hmm. So probably good for everyone except Ted Nugent.

monquixote · August 2013

Sporky said:
Hmm. So probably good for everyone except Ted Nugent.

Does he have some kind of anal fissure fetish?

Sporky · August 2013

I remember a story of his about driving through some woods somewhere or other and needing to poop, so he pulled over and pooped in the woods. Then some miles later he gets pulled over by a cop who demands he goes back and takes his poop away with him. Ted expresses relief that his meat-rich diet results in very firm stools, making the officer's demand easy to satsify.

As I recall the language used in the original story was somewhat more robust.

Sporky · August 2013

In lighter news, my new Leatherman has arrived.

Given that I've already got four (and two Gerbers) I thought I should go for something a bit different this time:

https://www.acklandsgrainger.com/images/items/zoom/21HN32_AS01.JPG

There's a sharp bit on one end for cutting seatbelts and a pointy bit on the other for smashing windows. Hopefully it won't see much use.

monquixote · August 2013

Sporky said:

In lighter news, my new Leatherman has arrived.

Given that I've already got four (and two Gerbers) I thought I should go for something a bit different this time:

https://www.acklandsgrainger.com/images/items/zoom/21HN32_AS01.JPG

There's a sharp bit on one end for cutting seatbelts and a pointy bit on the other for smashing windows. Hopefully it won't see much use.

So the idea is presumably that you pull alongside, smash the window, slice through the seatbelt and then run them off the road?

Sporky · August 2013

That's certainly the idea now.

I was thinking of it for emergencies only - it hadn't occurred to me that there are recreational applications too. Thanks!

VimFuego · August 2013

chillidoggy said:

This morning, I had my first shit after my operation! I can honestly say it was the most painful shit of my life, sat on the khazi, holding my wound whilst straining and wailing. Childbirth? Pfft!

I just thought you should know.

mrs f hates it when I tell of her cancer stories, but she said the 1st shit after her surgery (which was 8 hours long, involved moving most of her lower organs around, cutting off a lump of her bowel and left her with a 10" scar) was by a factor of at least a million the most painful part of the whole process.

VimFuego · August 2013

and in other news, I'm on day 2 of relearning the guitar. I'm still shit, but noticeable less shit than I was yesterday.

McToot · August 2013

I have in my grubby possession (or will do when my wife gets home*) the contract that officially confirms I no longer have to worry about where my next freelance contract comes from. I've only gone and re-joined the rat race. But like rats I'm a sociable creature and working from home, in my shed was driving me to distraction. I'd happily trade a few hours commuting for the chance to be around people older than 5.

*My wife works for the company I'm going back to. The same company that I worked at for 18 years before being made redundant 5 years ago. It's complicated.

dindude · August 2013

Congrates Jules, and all the best with the new/old job. Regular income means more frequent NGD/NPD/NAD's we hope.

McToot · August 2013

dindude said:

Congrates Jules, and all the best with the new/old job. Regular income means more frequent NGD/NPD/NAD's we hope.

@dindude Oh yes indeedy. I would really like to treat myself to Shugz's '69 goldtop (re-fin), but have been reminded in no uncertain terms that it is not a priority even if it is from my birth year; we're having £50k worth of house extension, involving a remortgage, so I suppose Mrs Toot may have a point. I'm allowed an iPad though...

McToot · August 2013

monquixote said:

chillidoggy said:

This morning, I had my first shit after my operation! I can honestly say it was the most painful shit of my life, sat on the khazi, holding my wound whilst straining and wailing. Childbirth? Pfft!

I just thought you should know.

Probably the wrong thread for that post

@chilidoggy Get a bottle of lactolose. Costs about £3, tastes nice and will make your life a lot less painful.

I second that (e)motion: it's supposed to be the business.

I'll get my coat.

chillidoggy · August 2013

Senakot. That's all I'm going to say.

Bucket · August 2013

Went to Brighton today.

In GAK, I had a spin on one of those 30-fret RGs (horrible), and a Tele Custom (fantastic... bet you weren't expecting that!). And in the various record shops around there, I picked up the following:

Sylosis - Edge of the Earth

Wildhearts - Earth vs the Wildhearts

Joe Pass - Virtuoso

Funkadelic - Motor City Madness compilation

And the crown jewel, which I'd been looking for for quite some time - "Songs About Fucking" by Big Black. Brilliant album.

Sporky · August 2013

I played Rocksmith again for the first time in ages and didn't completely suck at it. Also I had two letters from HMRC. One said they owed me £10.80 and the other was a cheque for 10.80.

monquixote · August 2013

chillidoggy said:

Senakot. That's all I'm going to say.

That is exactly what you don't want!

IanSavage · August 2013

First 'new girlfriend' post of mine on the new 'smily happy thread'

holnrew · August 2013

Holnrette starts work on Tuesday. I should be getting some temp work soon, albeit 12 hour shifts at minimum wage with only two 15 minute breaks, but I need experience and can't be fussy.

mike_l · August 2013

Holn that's fantastic news. Congratumalations

Lixarto · August 2013

I picked up Guy Pratt's book "My Bass and Other Animals" this afternoon. Pretty good

mike_l · August 2013

2-0 win for mr beloved West Ham makes me feel all happy.

Also, just had Pizza for dinner, and have enough left for breakfast (Ok lunch) tomorrow.

Getting ready to go to the rock Jam in Cambridge with the frankly awesomes @bigjon

All in all a pretty good day

Lixarto · August 2013

Oh, I did home made lamb burgers and chips - I was reading the above book while waiting for the burgers to finish.

Served with garlic bread and champagne

monquixote · August 2013

Lixarto said:

I picked up Guy Pratt's book "My Bass and Other Animals" this afternoon. Pretty good

Great book.

He's played with some awesome people and is an all round lucky bastard.

Lixarto · August 2013

Had a Facebook chat with Bernie Tormé last night, about uileann pipes

RedRabbit · August 2013

Roast lamb with sweet potatoes, broccoli, sweetcorn and the last of my cranberry cider for dinner. Added bonus - plenty of lamb left for tomorrows lunch!

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