Pearls of wisdom from missus nunckee

rogd · May 2022

Mrs rogd to two daughters and rog:
'I'm not going to buy any more biscuits........... you lot only eat them'???

Emp_Fab · May 2022

chillidoggy said:

Mrs C whilst we were watching a programme about tuna fishing in Japan:-

”You’ll probably think I’m stupid, but if a tuna is that big, how is it that it comes in such small tins?”

This thread isn't doing anything for my liberal feminist views. I mean... WTF... What's her opinion on tins of corned beef? A cow sized tin?

chillidoggy · May 2022

Emp_Fab said:

chillidoggy said:

Mrs C whilst we were watching a programme about tuna fishing in Japan:-

”You’ll probably think I’m stupid, but if a tuna is that big, how is it that it comes in such small tins?”

This thread isn't doing anything for my liberal feminist views. I mean... WTF... What's her opinion on tins of corned beef? A cow sized tin?

God knows.

She once told me that corned beef came from the corners of the cow. I figured out it was what her old man told her, but he was a big wind-up merchant.

DB1 · May 2022

I once told my daughter that Pineapples came from Pinneapolis, which was near Minneapolis. She's quite gullible, and believed me for a while until she checked with my wife, who informed her that I was an idiot.

drofluf · May 2022

During a Winter Olympics I told my, now ex-, wife that we had won Silver in the snowballing and a Gold in snowman building.

She excitedly relayed this information too her work colleagues the next day.

boogieman · June 2022

My aged mum is starting to suffer with mild dementia. While this is a bit concerning, it does mean she comes out with some absolute blinders. This morning’s conversation went like :

Me: did you watch any of the jubilee stuff on the tv?

Mum: Oh yes. Well I watched the London one. I expect you got a different version where you live.

(Obviously there’s a Queen of Kent who keeps a very low profile. )

Jfingers · June 2022

I worked with a really nice bloke for about six years in the tree surgery industry.

He would often say that someone had no morales. I spoke to him yesterday, about 30 years later and he said it again.

He's having a rough time so I couldn't bring myself to scream 'It's morals for fucks sake'

Nitefly · June 2022

That sounds depressingly familiar, @boogieman - mine is 94, still living on her own, but getting very forgetful.

Her older (!) sister died recently, and the funeral is on Monday - we usually visit my Ma on Tuesday, so as we were leaving today I said "Right, we'll see you on Monday, the funeral is at quarter past one so we'll be here about twelve to pick you up".

Ma: Why are you coming on Monday?

Me: To take you to the funeral!

Ma: Oh right - what time will it be?

Me: Quarter past one!

boogieman · June 2022

Nitefly said:

That sounds depressingly familiar, @boogieman - mine is 94, still living on her own, but getting very forgetful.

Her older (!) sister died recently, and the funeral is on Monday - we usually visit my Ma on Tuesday, so as we were leaving today I said "Right, we'll see you on Monday, the funeral is at quarter past one so we'll be here about twelve to pick you up".

Ma: Why are you coming on Monday?

Me: To take you to the funeral!

Ma: Oh right - what time will it be?

Me: Quarter past one!

It’s a weird thing, I don’t know if your mum’s the same @Nitefly ? With mine her longterm memory is incredible; she can tell me all sorts of things that happened in WW2 in absolutely minute detail. But then she’ll forget something that we’ve discussed five minutes earlier.

Nitefly · June 2022

Absolutely the same, @boogieman - endless tales of how she left school at 14 to go working making uniforms for the RAF, etc. To be fair, a lot of it is really interesting, and I should probably start writing it down while she can still remember.

But yes, we can have the same conversation three times in ten minutes...

Headphones · June 2022

Nitefly said:

But yes, we can have the same conversation three times in ten minutes...

Isn't that a definition of a fretboarder?

Jeremiah · June 2022

Someone I was at school with, on asking what was wrong with a friend, misheard "swollen glands" as "swallowed her hand" and spent the rest of the day imagining her friend had her arm stuck down her throat.

chillidoggy · June 2022

My mum’s the same, but with a slight twist. She’s now telling me about stuff that happened when I was a kid. Except it never happened.

Jfingers · June 2022

My Mum is struggling these days. Her latest thing is to repeatedly ask me if I know her nearby town has a hospital. Yes Mum, I was born there. That's fun about five times in 30 minutes...

LastMantra · June 2022

I don't mean to be rude to anyone is this thread or anything...but...well...

boogieman · June 2022

LastMantra said:

I don't mean to be rude to anyone is this thread or anything...but...well...

Err? Sorry, not getting your drift.

sev112 · June 2022

No because it could apply to husbands, boyfriends, kids, parents etc just as mucj

roundthebend · June 2022

My wife just used her amazing logic again to come up with a corker.

I was reading this news article on the BBC. Admittedly she didn't have the pictures, just a headline that I read out.

Two killed as Nio electric car falls from third floor office in Shanghai

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-61919581

Her reaction was "How did the floor manage to collapse?"

Bod · June 2022

My wife, when tackling my young daughter's dishonesty, became confused and told her that she wouldn't accept her "cock and balls story".

Bod · June 2022

sev112 said:

No because it could apply to husbands, boyfriends, kids, parents etc just as mucj

Totally. It just happens to be that I married a woman, and not a man.

roundthebend · July 2022

Couple of beauties from MrsRTB recently.

I mused "how do people with Mohicans sleep"
Her first response "they wear a kind of hat"
Me: "eh, how would that work or help?'
MrsRTB: "maybe they use string then"

Next up, this is something she did rather than a thing she said. She went to the shop to pick up some bits n bobs. Whilst there she decided to get our 20 year old son some of the new super strength hayfever pills. I think the funniest bit about this story is that she did the dramatic handover to him - "close your eyes, put your hand in the bag, it's a present".

She's bought him period pain tablets!

boogieman · July 2022

My ancient mum decided she wanted to weigh herself the other day, so I went to get the scales from her bathroom.

“Ooooh, no! You can’t use those. They’re in kilometres or something. British people only weigh stones and pounds.”

HAL9000 · July 2022

One I’d forgotten…

Lady where I used to work - It was so hot this morning that I needed my sunglasses

Tannin · July 2022

starwarsnosebleed said:

The other night, our xmas tree lights were flickering and annoying the wife, she asked me to put them on ‘silent’ for her.

This made me laugh out loud. I read it out to Mrs Tannin who said "Silent Night?"

DesVegas · July 2022

Mrs Vegas "that train has sailed" said only this morning

Philly_Q · July 2022

DesVegas said:

Mrs Vegas "that train has sailed"

That gave me a delayed-reaction LOL.

skullfunkerry · July 2022

HAL9000 said:

One I’d forgotten…

Lady where I used to work - It was so hot this morning that I needed my sunglasses

Walking to the car park on a very bright sunny winter's day a few years ago, and one of my colleagues said "Why are you wearing sunglasses? It's freezing!"

HAL9000 · July 2022

Another winter one...

Colleague: The driver’s door was iced up so I tried pouring boiling water into the keyhole.

Your’s truly: Aren’t you worried it’s going to freeze up again by home time?

Colleague: No, I used boiling water.

HAL9000 · September 2022

Overly loud lady in the pub: My boyfriend wants to take me up The Shard this weekend.

Cue helpless laughter from rest of pub.

munckee · September 2023

Had to bring back this old thread, I booked missus munckee's car in for a service and MOT today, she asked how much that would be and I said £320 + any work from the MOT. "That's tpo much don't get the service, nothing goes wrong with the car" I explain it's because it's serviced regularly. This afternoon missus munckee phones and said it was exactly £320 as it passed the MOT - "see, it didn't need the service did it!"

Erm.

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Pearls of wisdom from missus nunckee

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