Pearls of wisdom from missus nunckee

munckee · December 2019

Following on from pearls from my autistic son - the passenger window on missus Munckee’s car cane off its mechanism this morning.

I phoned the garage who said they would sort it temporarily as it was stuck down and order the parts.

When she got there they asked if it was near side to which she replied “near what, it’s not near me.”

She left the car and they phoned her to say they had pulled the window up and ordered the part, she could drive it home but they had left the panel off to save labour costs when the part was in.

Missus Munckee said “I can’t drive it with no door, and what if it rains!”

darthed1981 · December 2019

If it helps our boiler loses pressure and needs re-filling every week or so. It's in the loft.

Despite at least 10 attempts to show the wife how to do it, still only I can.

Also, the loft has spiders, and she has a bad knee that makes going down ladders difficult, so once she's up, she might not make it back down...

DB1 · December 2019

Well, my wife thought that the Nuremberg Rally was a motor race. *

* She didn't - I just made that up.

skullfunkerry · December 2019

I genuinely don't know whether to give that a lol or a wis, @munckee

phil_b · December 2019

my wife once asked me why japan were not playing in the Euros

Hootsmon · December 2019

Hooters once asked me how i was liking my dirty little slut pedal

octatonic · December 2019

Mrs Oct regularly gets the name of famous people wrong.
A few examples:

David Beckinham
Roger Redford
Ron Bon Jovi

starwarsnosebleed · December 2019

The other night, our xmas tree lights were flickering and annoying the wife, she asked me to put them on ‘silent’ for her.

p90fool · December 2019

darthed1981 said:

If it helps our boiler loses pressure and needs re-filling every week or so. It's in the loft.

Despite at least 10 attempts to show the wife how to do it, still only I can.

In the interests of balance, I once had to patiently explain why I never had to adjust the clock on the boiler twice a year because unlike all the other traditional clocks in the house it was corrected and set by radio waves called an MSF signal.

She said "No it isn't, I changed it last night, you wanker".

Phil_C · December 2019

My other half checked her payslip the other day and proceeded to tell me she'd worked an extra 17 hours and 93 minutes overtime....

Kilgore · December 2019

My wife thought that the winter Olympics had the same events as the summer Olympics, but held in the winter.

djspecialist · December 2019

My wife thought that Elton John was one of the Beatles.

drofluf · December 2019

Kilgore said:

My wife thought that the winter Olympics had the same events as the summer Olympics, but held in the winter.

I once told my (now) ex-wife that we'd won silver in the snowman making contest at the Winter Olympics. She told her work colleagues the next day. I was not popular...

boogieman · December 2019

My mum’s the one who comes out with the nonsense in our family. Last week I told her one of my cousins had just died.

“He was older than you wasn’t he?”
No mum he was about 6 years younger.

“Well he was definitely older than you when he was a little boy”.

I also had a decrepit great aunty who got her words muddled up.

“I don’t like tube stations. You have to use those escanumerators”.

“My son says he can’t come to see me today. He’s burnt out the crutch on his car”

english_bob · December 2019

My mother in law has a habit of crashing two well known phrases or sayings together.

"It's all water under a duck's bridge".

francer · December 2019

My mate's ex-girlfriend thought Rod Hull's Emu was an ostrich.

FX_Munkee · December 2019

english_bob said:

My mother in law has a habit of crashing two well known phrases or sayings together.

"It's all water under a duck's bridge".

Malaphors

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/malaphor

My personal favourite, which I probably use too often "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it"

Snags · December 2019

@munckee You'd best hope missus munckee never reads this stuff

Also, your "m" key appears to have swapped places with the "n".

blobb · December 2019

Courtesy of a friends sister:

On being shown someone's new car "are those electric windscreen wipers?"

On arriving home one day, after holding hand on the telephone receiver for a minute or two "I just wanted to see if my boyfriend had called when I was out. Well, it will be warm won't it?".

Lovely girl.

bluechargeboy · December 2019

My sister, as a grown woman, watching Troy:

"I bet there's men in that horse."

Bridgehouse · December 2019

From what I recall, “nunckee” was CPO Pertwee’s cheeky uncle with a tug boat...

gusman2x · December 2019

When my wife started uni, she followed signs to a "free plasticine" event. She was really excited, as doing an arts degree, she thought this was pretty cool. Of course, Ariel Sharron didn't dish out any plasticine.

Emp_Fab · December 2019

You do all realise this is a very dangerous thread don’t you?
You’re all taking huge risks here! :O

Emp_Fab · December 2019

@digitalscream Lee! How the hell did that animated smiley get there? I typed my usual “colon followed by L” to get the lol smiley and it showed a grumpy face, so I tried colon O and got that animated thing. WTF? Are you experimenting with smileys or something?

siremoon · December 2019

FX_Munkee said:

english_bob said:

My mother in law has a habit of crashing two well known phrases or sayings together.

"It's all water under a duck's bridge".

Malaphors
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/malaphor
My personal favourite, which I probably use too often "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it"

My favourite variant of that is "we'll cross that bridge when we've burnt it"

roundthebend · December 2019

I can't remember the context exactly, but I remember saying to my wife that she needed to use a blunt instrument of some description. Her reply?

"Like a knife?"

not_the_dj · December 2019

francer said:

My mate's ex-girlfriend thought Rod Hull's Emu was an ostrich.

I'll admit to thinking Basil Brush was a squirrel.

munckee · January 2020

New year discussion about the year, mrs Munckee “I like 2020 that’s a good number, does that mean the twenties have started” when I said it did “what century is it?” When I said the 21st “until when?” So I explained.

“it’s a long century isn’t it!”.....

Sassafras · January 2020

Sexist pigs!

LastMantra · January 2020

Your wifes must be really good looking.

Emp_Fab · January 2020

His wife's what?

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Pearls of wisdom from missus nunckee

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