Pearls of wisdom from missus nunckee

bertie · May 2022

Bod said:

a bloke I worked with used to say "put your head above the pulpit", and used "creme de la menthe" rather than "creme de la creme".

Hello Rodney

the_jaffa · May 2022

thecolourbox said:

Creme de menthe is pretty nice to be fair, I think I'd prefer that to some normal creme

That would make it crème de la crème de menthe then

Emp_Fab · May 2022

My mate always uses the phrase "The straw that broke the elephant's back" just to prompt people to correct him with "The camel's back... the camel's back" - to which he responds "Is he? I didn't know he'd been away!"

Emp_Fab · May 2022

I also had a mate who thought that thunder was the sound of clouds banging together.

TTony · May 2022

Emp_Fab said:

I also had a mate who thought that thunder was the sound of clouds banging together.

Well, what else do you think is making all that noise???

bertie · May 2022

TTony said:

Emp_Fab said:

I also had a mate who thought that thunder was the sound of clouds banging together.

Well, what else do you think is making all that noise???

doh

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skullfunkerry · May 2022

Bod said:

A neighbour's pet rabbit got mauled by a fox one evening while his wife and kids looked on. I heard the commotion and went round and removed the remains from the lawn because he was out.

He popped round later to say thanks, saying that he didn't know how the fox got into the garden - "I've checked behind the shed for a nest, but there's nothing there" he said. I guess the problem was that his foxes were flying in.

Mixed phrases - a bloke I worked with used to say "put your head above the pulpit", and used "creme de la menthe" rather than "creme de la creme".

I quite like that... I might start calling it creme de la menthe in future

(not that creme de menthe comes up in conversation for me that often!)

bertie · May 2022

skullfunkerry said:

Bod said:

A neighbour's pet rabbit got mauled by a fox one evening while his wife and kids looked on. I heard the commotion and went round and removed the remains from the lawn because he was out.

He popped round later to say thanks, saying that he didn't know how the fox got into the garden - "I've checked behind the shed for a nest, but there's nothing there" he said. I guess the problem was that his foxes were flying in.

Mixed phrases - a bloke I worked with used to say "put your head above the pulpit", and used "creme de la menthe" rather than "creme de la creme".

I quite like that... I might start calling it creme de la menthe in future

(not that creme de menthe comes up in conversation for me that often!)

not partial to a depth charge then ?

Brio · May 2022

As I recall, a pound of gold is heavier than a pound of feathers because gold uses a different ounce (and thus a different pound).

The pound of gold is actually lighter. Troy weight is less than adverdupois.

bertie · May 2022

I may start another thread "Weekly Mrs Bertisms" gurateed (If I can remember them) a good 3 or 4 every week

tho it looks like there's some stiff competition

munckee · May 2022

bertie said:

I may start another thread "Weekly Mrs Bertisms" gurateed (If I can remember them) a good 3 or 4 every week

tho it looks like there's some stiff competition

Maybe I should just change this to pearls of wisdom.

Sporky · May 2022

Brio said:

As I recall, a pound of gold is heavier than a pound of feathers because gold uses a different ounce (and thus a different pound).
The pound of gold is actually lighter. Troy weight is less than adverdupois.

Dang it! As usual, 50-50 choice, 80% chance of being wrong...

HAL9000 · May 2022

You know those small round tins of tuna you get in the supermarket? Well, as a youngster I used to believe that they were that size and shape to match the cross section of the fish.

kennedydream1980 · May 2022

My Mrs once asked to see the upstairs of a ground floor flat we were viewing.

HAL9000 · May 2022

Mrs9000 sent me to the supermarket to buy a whole salmon. The girl behind the fish counter went out the back and returned with an absolute monster of a fish. I asked if she had one a little smaller. She went out the back again and returned with another salmon that was on the small side. I asked if perhaps she might have a middle-sized salmon. At this point the girl rolled her eyes and pointed out that salmon only come in two sizes.

boogieman · May 2022

I’m sure this is apocryphal but my mate swears it really happened to him.

He went into a jewellers shop to get a crucifix for his girlfriend’s birthday . The girl behind the counter said
“We’ve got two types. There's these ones, just a cross. Or there’s these ones with a little man on”.

DefaultM · May 2022

boogieman said:

I’m sure this is apocryphal but my mate swears it really happened to him.

He went into a jewellers shop to get a crucifix for his girlfriend’s birthday . The girl behind the counter said
“We’ve got two types. There's these ones, just a cross. Or there’s these ones with a little man on”.

A girl I used to work with once said something like "Oh is that little man Jesus? I didn't know that I always wondered!".

She refused to believe dinosaurs ever existed as well. She was promoted to management pretty quickly.

RandallFlagg · May 2022

Back in the day when we had kettles that you heated up on the cooker hob, remember them? I walked into the kitchen of an ex-girlfriend who was stood next to the hob and a boiling kettle as clouds of steam filled the room. I asked her why she hadn't turned it off, she said she making her Dad a cup of tea but boiling the water a bit longer to make the water hotter as he always says his tea goes cold too quick!

Jeremiah · May 2022

proggy said:

I remember listening to a phone-in on the radio years ago where this fella said that both his wife and her mum thought that the moon was the sun at night.

On a related note, I used to know someone who thought that when the moon is in the sky during the day, it's not actually the moon but just a reflection of it.

TheBigDipper · May 2022

Bod said:

Years ago when we got our first DVD player, we watched a film from Blockbuster after which Mrs Bod tentatively asked if we needed to rewind it before returning.

EDIT : Just realised there's a lot in that sentence that might need explaining to our younger members, but I really can't be arsed.

For just one or two people, it's really not worth the effort. :-)

breakstuff · May 2022

Just watching the qualifying for the Spanish Grand Prix, when the director picks up Roger Federer in the Mercedes garage.

The wife turns to me and asks....

"Is that Toto's son?"

God knows where she pulled that from.

crunchman · May 2022

My wife's younger sister has her moments. The one that comes to mind was an Albanian (albino) rabbit.

Kittyfrisk · May 2022

Just heard a Radio 4 announcement for Paddy O'Connell's Sunday morning show tomorrow morning (stir frying mussels at the time).
"... listen to the cries of diva's released into the the wild's of Devon..."
All I can visualise is Celine Dion, Beyonce & Diana Ross splashing about in rivers & building dams.

P0wderF1nger · May 2022

I used to work with a German guy, whose English was impeccable, albeit with an accent. I'm pretty sure he played up on it a bit, but he always got various sayings and phrases mixed up or use too literal a translation, but to a point where you always knew what he meant. The that always tickled me was, when in planning meetings, he would say "we can't do that, it'll take donkeys ages".

HAL9000 · May 2022

I’ve just attended a defibrillator training session…

Instructor: Place the first electrode on the chest…
Attendee(interupting): Who’s chest would that be now?

hollywoodrox · May 2022

octatonic said:

Mrs Oct regularly gets the name of famous people wrong.
A few examples:

David Beckinham
Roger Redford
Ron Bon Jovi

I love doing that

Stock aitken and Dennis Waterman.

Steven Hendrix ,snooker player
Emerson lake n Robert Palmer

hollywoodrox · May 2022

Love those

drofluf · May 2022

My wife was complaining of an intermittent pain in her leg.

“Which one?” I asked.

”I’m not sure” she replied “but it was definitely either the left or the right”

chillidoggy · May 2022

Mrs C whilst we were watching a programme about tuna fishing in Japan:-

”You’ll probably think I’m stupid, but if a tuna is that big, how is it that it comes in such small tins?”

HAL9000 · May 2022

Daughter9000 (during those difficult teenage years): - This isn’t cooked enough! Surely you don’t expect me to eat raw toast.

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Pearls of wisdom from missus nunckee

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