Enough of the smoking mirrors!

Dominic · September 2023

although my favourite has always been an idiot I sat next to at a rather sumptious banquet made a point of saying that the Oysters and Champagne were very effluent..........
on reflection ,how right he was !

BillDL · September 2023

When I was about 17 I used to cut out some of the hilariously worded entries in the classifieds section of newspapers and keep them in a scrap book. Back then you paid by the word, so economy was key, as was evident by the one that sticks in my mind:

"Fish tank. 4'x3'. Mahogany".

When they were changing over from individual metal letters in a block (can't recall the proper terminology) to word processors, sometimes the "typesetters" hit the wrong letter, or maybe they had difficulty reading the hand-written forms you had to complete. One I remember was:

"18ct gold ring with single diamond in shite claw setting".

I used to work with a guy that took two very standard proverbs or clichéed sayings and pieced them together without realising what he was doing, for example:

"You can drag a dead horse to water, but you can't make it drink".

"It's like oil off a duck's back".

mrkb · September 2023

Dominic said:

although my favourite has always been an idiot I sat next to at a rather sumptious banquet made a point of saying that the Oysters and Champagne were very effluent..........
on reflection ,how right he was !

Yep, oysters are basically shit feeders.

boogieman · September 2023

My neighbour regularly comes out with some corkers. A while back he was telling me about a friend who’d developed cancer in his sarcophagus

RocknRollDave · September 2023

“on route”

Sesh · September 2023

boogieman said:

My neighbour regularly comes out with some corkers. A while back he was telling me about a friend who’d developed cancer in his sarcophagus

My mummy had that.

westford · September 2023

People who use the word 'weary' when they mean 'wary'.

Offset · September 2023

'Asterix' for 'asterisk' is commonplace - but feck knows why.

djspecialist · September 2023

BillDL said:

I used to work with a guy that took two very standard proverbs or clichéed sayings and pieced them together without realising what he was doing, for example:
"You can drag a dead horse to water, but you can't make it drink".
"It's like oil off a duck's back".

In that vein, a colleague of mine has (consciously) coined:

"Let's burn that bridge when we come to it"

skullfunkerry · September 2023

Don't have one from today, but two of my favourites came from Sir Trevor McDonald: "The government is to ban all small caliger handbuns", and the classic "The cunt Kentryside"

Loads of people complained about that second one... what is the point of that? Yes it's a rude word, but it was a mistake

rogd · September 2023

A rather eccentric bloke used to come in our local pub ranting and raving about various odd things. He was burbling about Libya one day and informed us all that he thought that 'bloody Yasser Marrowfat' should be shot!!

Headphones · September 2023

In Brizzle they say "cheers drive"

Instead of "dangerous, bus driving twat"!

Or isn't that what we're doing?

Headphones · September 2023

I work a lot with His Majesty's Navy. The one that I hear most - and is all the more infuriating is "Pacific" - and specifically not the bloody Ocean!

Sporky · September 2023

djspecialist said:
In that vein, a colleague of mine has (consciously) coined:

"Let's burn that bridge when we come to it"

Nice - I may well borrow that one.

Jonathangus · September 2023

Sporky said:

djspecialist said:
In that vein, a colleague of mine has (consciously) coined:

"Let's burn that bridge when we come to it"

Nice - I may well borrow that one.

Well, there's no point in burning bridges until the fat lady sings.

Kittyfrisk · September 2023

This whole thread is a bit of a damp squid.

Sporky · September 2023

Kittyfrisk said:

This whole thread is a bit of a damp squid.

I think that's a mute point.

Sesh · September 2023

Offset said:

'Asterix' for 'asterisk' is commonplace - but feck knows why.

Tsk, the gaul of some people.

Philly_Q · September 2023

Football commentators saying "he spurned a chance on goal". No, he did not make a deliberate choice not to score, he just couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo.

And don't get me started on "stonewall penalty".

Kittyfrisk · September 2023

^ 1000%

Nitefly · September 2023

Also on football particularly, but elsewhere too: when they say "impossible to underestimate his contribution" when they clearly mean "overestimate". Grrrr!

GoFish · September 2023

I rememeber a football comentary from some time back: That's super, it's superb, it's superfluous!

"Let's burn that bridge ..." was coined by Robert Heinlein in Stanger in a Strange Land I think.

Stuckfast · September 2023

The one that really gets my goat is when people use 'commonplace' as it it was a posh way of saying 'common'.

thecolourbox · September 2023

Offset said:

'Asterix' for 'asterisk' is commonplace - but feck knows why.

Do they call those Egyptian decorative pole things an Obelix as well?

Tannin · September 2023

Offset said:

'Asterix' for 'asterisk' is commonplace - but feck knows why.

Doubtless because of the famous comic book series of that name.

Image: https://tannin.net.au/other/dpr/asterix.jpg

g

Asterix the Gaul is the main character, but we also fondly remember gigantic Obelix who delivers menhirs, Getafix the druid, Vitalstatistix, the village chief, and of course Cacofonix the bard.

Bod · September 2023

Stuckfast said:

The one that really gets my goat is when people use 'commonplace' as it it was a posh way of saying 'common'.

The Americanism 'oftentimes' really annoys me - 'often' will suffice.

thecolourbox · September 2023

Tannin said:

Offset said:

'Asterix' for 'asterisk' is commonplace - but feck knows why.

Doubtless because of the famous comic book series of that name.

g

Asterix the Gaul is the main character, but we also fondly remember gigantic Obelix who delivers menhirs, Getafix the druid, Vitalstatistix, the village chief, and of course Cacofonix the bard.

And let's not forget Weetabix the builder

Tannin · September 2023

Stuckfast said:

The one that really gets my goat is when people use 'commonplace' as it it was a posh way of saying 'common'.

I can't comment on the people using it, or on whether they are using it correctly, but the two words do have different meanings. Anything commonplace is by definition common, but any number of things can be common without being commonplace.

Neil · September 2023

Americans who say "I could care less" when they really mean "I couldn't care less".

khaotic · September 2023

I'm quite fond of "dire rear" as an alternative for "diarrhoea" - it's pretty accurate and descriptive

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Enough of the smoking mirrors!

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