Query failed: connection to localhost:9312 failed (errno=111, msg=Connection refused). Favourite punchlines - Off Topic Discussions on The Fretboard
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UNPLANNED DOWNTIME: 12th Oct 23:45

Favourite punchlines

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  • SporkySporky Frets: 23802
    That is not my dog. 
    "[Sporky] brings a certain vibe and dignity to the forum."
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  • NiteflyNitefly Frets: 4697
    No idea, we've never managed to catch one.

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  • TimmyOTimmyO Frets: 6976
    ‘…and the farmer said “but I haven’t GOT a daughter!” 
    "Congratulations on being officially the most right anyone has ever been about anything, ever." -- Noisepolluter knows the score
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  • DB1DB1 Frets: 4926
    ‘Oh, country ‘n’ western! I thought you said you were some c**t from Preston’...
    Call me Dave.
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  • WYNIR0WYNIR0 Frets: 169
    Those are Carols.
    monquixote said:
    I agree with WYNIRO much as personally I think he is a total cock.


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  • HAL9000HAL9000 Frets: 9107
    Actually my name’s Kevin and I’m on my way to a fancy-dress party.’
    I play guitar because I enjoy it rather than because I’m any good at it
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  • DesVegasDesVegas Frets: 4389
    And the dog said "ha! I've never had that much money before"
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  • UnclePsychosisUnclePsychosis Frets: 12324
    fretmeister said:
    But I’ve never had a chickpea on my face. 
    This one works better as "I've never paid £200 to have a lentil on my face" IMO
    My trading feedback
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  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 23224
    It might be a better thread if we now started posting the jokes that accompany the punchlines....    but without the punchlines.....    People have to match them up lol 
    Humans are destructive parasites that will destroy the celestial oasis of Earth.  The sooner Homo Sapiens are extinct, the better.
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  • blobbblobb Frets: 2600
    Parafinalien.
    Feelin' Reelin' & Squeelin'
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  • merlinmerlin Frets: 6199
    Terry Wogan.
    feedback here
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  • SimonCSimonC Frets: 1322
     "Oh the other is from the man who shat in my pants"
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  • NiteflyNitefly Frets: 4697
    You can hide, but you can't run.

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  • fretmeisterfretmeister Frets: 22257
    No madam, I said it smells like a foot.
    SPEAKER IMPEDENCE CALCULATOR
    https://speakerimpedance.co.uk/?act=two_parallel&page=calculator
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  • CrankyCranky Frets: 2109
    bacchanalian said:
    Philip Glass!
    This one is bugging me.  I listen to Philip Glass comps frequently.
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  • relic245relic245 Frets: 822
    Haven't you got a vase?
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  • droflufdrofluf Frets: 3144
    “That was great but look what’s happened to my clam digger”
    Trading feedback thread:https://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/172761/drofluf
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  • TimcitoTimcito Frets: 390
    When they're hiding in cherry trees.
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  • westwest Frets: 974
    it tastes rather like swan  ....  
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  • boogiemanboogieman Frets: 11742
    Ear sticky. 
    My trading feedback  http://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/57616/
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  • SporkySporky Frets: 23802
    Play it? I'm trying to get its pyjamas off! 
    "[Sporky] brings a certain vibe and dignity to the forum."
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  • DesVegasDesVegas Frets: 4389
    edited August 2023
    I was trying to get the taste out of my mouth 
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  • DB1DB1 Frets: 4926
    'He says you're to leave your underpants at the reception desk'
    Call me Dave.
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  • PoboyPoboy Frets: 430
    Wrecked 'im? Damn near killed 'im....
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  • OffsetOffset Frets: 9212
    "I'm playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order."
    Currently for sale: https://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/247085/pro-ject-essential-ii-turntable
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  • OffsetOffset Frets: 9212
    "My wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'. I had the car out in thirty seconds."

    Sorry, it deserved the whole thing :-)
    Currently for sale: https://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/247085/pro-ject-essential-ii-turntable
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  • RocknRollDaveRocknRollDave Frets: 6075
    Because he kneeded a poo.

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  • OffsetOffset Frets: 9212
    "Just give him your underpants, dear."
    Currently for sale: https://www.thefretboard.co.uk/discussion/247085/pro-ject-essential-ii-turntable
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  • Rob1742Rob1742 Frets: 839
    No, but I’ve been swung around by the tits a few times.


    I was 14, heard the joke two years earlier but never understood it. Then I was just walking to a mates and for some reason I just got it. Literally holding onto a fence absolutely in stitches. People walking by thinking I was nuts. 
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  • jonnyburgojonnyburgo Frets: 11799
    I tried my left hand, right hand, the wife even got her mouth around it and we still couldn't get the lid off.
    "OUR TOSSPOT"
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