What advice would you give a new dad?

NothingOnTheTele · August 2023

Thanks all for the comments. So much wisdom in this thread - I'll make sure to keep looking back over it.

The closer I get to her birth, the less ready I feel. But my friend, who's a father, said that me worrying about being a good dad is a positive sign in itself. So that was reassuring.

thumpingrug · August 2023

Hope all goes well.

Petepassion · August 2023

hollywoodrox said:

Petepassion said:

Like most things, in time it’s easy to become a little complacent.
Our daughter was born 9 weeks early, nearly lost her…and my wife.
Then at the age of 17 and her first week away from home at uni she was diagnosed with a 27cm cancer growing from her kidney.
She’s now 29, been in the clear since her treatment and achieved so much in her life.
Every time I hug her it’s the best feeling in the world…and always will be.

So pleased she is better

Thank you

Smellyfingers · August 2023

I can't give you advice on fatherhood because my dad was fricking awful.

But I would strongly advise that you start saving right now for unexpected expenses or to help further education. Even if it was only £25 per month it could add up eventually to more than you might think.

Chalky · August 2023

NothingOnTheTele said:

Shrews said:

Keep a diary. Every day will be a first. The first smile, the first burp, the first nappy change, the first laugh, the first sneeze, crawl, walk, talk, first time you were angry, cried etc.

Give it to your child on their 18th, 21st, wedding day, graduation or when you see fit. It will be the best present your child will ever receive, and give you and your wife a welcome boost in years to come.

Love this idea. I wish my parents had done something like it. I keep a journal anyway, but I'll have a separate one for the child.

Errr...

One of my friends did this and next time she visited her son he'd put it in the loft. Took a long while for their relationship to get back to normal. She still cannot understand why he wasn't over the moon about it.

GoFish · August 2023

Practice patience. Show love.

Accept them for who they are.

Don't expect anything back - they didn't ask to be born and you're all they have.

Keep trying.

Axe_meister · August 2023

Regardless of how good a dad you are, your kids will hate you between the ages of 15 and 24. Blame everything on your parenting, think you know nothing.
Then at about 24 they finally realise (or finally admit), you are actually right a lot of the time and maybe you were a good parent (eldest is 24 and is finally rejoining the human race, youngest is 19 and Hayes my guts, even though I'm paying his rent, and just bought him an Ibanez prestige)

Teetonetal · August 2023

My top 3 things:

Have a chat with your wife about how both of you will have "me" time - it's very important
Start a savings account and pay in monthly
Actively do what's best for your child all the time

Timcito · August 2023

Don't listen to advice!

PolarityMan · August 2023

You are now officially licensed to Dad joke....here's one to get you started. "Bike is short for Bichael"

matdotcodot · September 2023

If you have more than one child, twins, or two children close together in ages, and you are struggling to tell them apart you will find that they normally make different sounds when you drop them.

Pjon · September 2023

Axe_meister said:

Regardless of how good a dad you are, your kids will hate you between the ages of 15 and 24. Blame everything on your parenting, think you know nothing.
Then at about 24 they finally realise (or finally admit), you are actually right a lot of the time and maybe you were a good parent (eldest is 24 and is finally rejoining the human race, youngest is 19 and Hayes my guts, even though I'm paying his rent, and just bought him an Ibanez prestige)

The Mark Twain quote, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

Pjon · September 2023

.thumpingrug said:

Put your guitars away somewhere safe - you won't have time for at least 2-3 years. If you do have time you aren't doing enough to help your partner.

I disagree. For your own sanity you need to keep doing your hobbies, even when you're knackered and time constrained. I've always ridden and raced bikes, and told my wife that I'd be selfish and continue to do so. The amount of time I could spend doing it dropped off, so then did the racing, but I still ride bikes. (And race a few times a year.) It's meant that my kids grew up thinking it normal to pedal/run/be outside/camp/surf... They don't think twice about doing new activities, and one has a full trophy cabinet from her chosen sport, while the older daughter coaches it. The youngest one is happy to spend the day in bed staring at her phone, but we're all different, and she did spend yesterday on an expedition to get an ice-cream from about 10 miles away, with a friend.

If you want your kids to grow up with music around them then carry on playing. When the kids were small the problem was volume, not time. There are always a few minutes here and there, and if you have time to spend on social media then you time to do other things.

The caveat here is, of course, that both parents need the time to themselves, not just one.

DefaultM · September 2023

Yeah there's absolutely no reason to stop playing guitar for 2-3 years. I don't think I even stopped for a week to be honest.
I've got loads of videos of me playing guitar and my kids joining in or listening. Now my 12 year old plays drums and my 6 year old has a go at piano and other things.

rlw · September 2023

Next time use a condom.

westford · September 2023

I know you didn’t ask, but from a mum’s perspective don’t be offended if, to begin with, your partner doesn’t seem to trust you with even the most basic things like holding the baby correctly. She has been your child’s sole guardian and protector for 9 months and it’s hard to give up that status. If she still doesn’t trust you with basic parenting tasks years down the line, you’re probably doing it wrong.

If the proud grandparents/other family members descend and expect to stay for hours chatting, cooing over the baby and being waited on hand and foot while you and your partner are feeling exhausted and emotional, you can (and should) tell them to go away.

Take photos of your partner and child regularly. Don’t put ones she doesn’t like on social media.

Be aware of the symptoms of postnatal depression (for your partner and yourself) just in case. Reach out for help if you need to.

Enjoy it, the early days/months/years can be tough but they go by fast.

guitars4you · September 2023

NothingOnTheTele said:

Shrews said:

Keep a diary. Every day will be a first. The first smile, the first burp, the first nappy change, the first laugh, the first sneeze, crawl, walk, talk, first time you were angry, cried etc.

Give it to your child on their 18th, 21st, wedding day, graduation or when you see fit. It will be the best present your child will ever receive, and give you and your wife a welcome boost in years to come.

Love this idea. I wish my parents had done something like it. I keep a journal anyway, but I'll have a separate one for the child.

Great idea - I did similar for my daughter - Gave her a kind of 'this is your life' book when she was 10 - loaded with pics - Feel important as so much now is all digital and you can't beat looking at an actual album - The other day she came to see me with it and we sat down for a while and talked about it and went thru' it - So heart warming

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What advice would you give a new dad?

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