What advice would you give a new dad?

Cranky · August 2023

Have fun. Say “yes” to your kids. Be their cheer leader, not their coach and critic. Like what they like, read what they read, and do any little thing to let them know you were/are thinking about them.

Don’t be too cool for pretend. Be imaginative. Be a storyteller. Let them win. Play dumb and let them know it all.

And if your parents hurt you at all, if you have any gripes or baggage from youth, deal with it. Talk to someone. It will all resurface as you become a parent, all that programming will come back and you’ll catch yourself doing the same things to your kids.

Dr_Necessiter · August 2023

The next time you're lucky enough to have sex, use an effective contraceptive. There are too many kids in the world already.

TTBZ · August 2023

Not going to sugar coat it because too many people do imo - I love them and wouldn't be without them but it's hard. Really fucking hard work. Tbh I found the start really boring, around 1-2 years old when they start to develop their own personality is really fun. Then comes the awful tantrum phase which lasted for about 3 years with our son and it's the worst. He's fun again now he's 6. It's looking like it will be similar for our 4yo daughter, the tantrums and meltdowns are insane. Being screamed at at 4am because they want ice cream with sprinkles for breakfast is not enjoyable. But then they do something cute like bring you a picture they've drawn of the family in a heart and all is forgiven.

Everyone here has already given good advice so not much more to add. One practical thing that helped us at the start is having loads of good meals prepped and frozen ready to go. The first few weeks are a blur and you'll have no time/energy to think about that sort of thing but you don't want to be getting takeaway every night. Also you will find you don't need half the shit you buy first time round, I forget what but there were loads of "essential" things we were told to buy that never got used.

PS - softplay is hell on earth.

Offset · August 2023

TTBZ said:

Also you will find you don't need half the shit you buy first time round, I forget what but there were loads of "essential" things we were told to buy that never got used.

A gazillion wiz points for that!

Petepassion · August 2023

The more you put in, the more you will get back…
oh, and always remember where you’ve left them.

Petepassion · August 2023

Like most things, in time it’s easy to become a little complacent.
Our daughter was born 9 weeks early, nearly lost her…and my wife.
Then at the age of 17 and her first week away from home at uni she was diagnosed with a 27cm cancer growing from her kidney.
She’s now 29, been in the clear since her treatment and achieved so much in her life.
Every time I hug her it’s the best feeling in the world…and always will be.

WezV · August 2023

When other parents tell you how well their babies are doing, take it with a pinch of salt.

I learned this when a friend revealed they classed 12-4am as "sleeping through the night already"

Kilgore · August 2023

Just do your best. Don't beat yourself up if you think you're getting it wrong, chances are you're doing just fine. Homo Sapiens have been pushing out kids for about 200K years. We've got the hang of it.

Most families are more like the Simpsons than the Waltons.

Stratavarious · August 2023

Avoid Centerparcs out of season holidays. It stinks of dirty nappies and the baby pool is a strange shade of brown.

nero1701 · August 2023

Take your partner out regularly,

Stratavarious · August 2023

Print the digital photos!!!

drofluf · August 2023

Musicwolf said:

Offset said:

Disavow yourself of the notion "no child of mine will ever wear hand-me-downs". It took me 3 weeks.

Mine's 18 and I'm wearing his hand-me-downs. I got a nice pair of Nike trainers last week.

I’m glad I’m not the only one!

Kilgore · August 2023

WezV said:

When other parents tell you how well their babies are doing, take it with a pinch of salt.

I learned this when a friend revealed they classed 12-4am as "sleeping through the night already"

Child number 1 slept through the night from day one. I smugly thought to myself, well this is easier than everyone makes out.

Child number 2 didn't sleep at all for the first five years.

Sporky · August 2023

Wear sunscreen.

ToneControl · August 2023

Buy good earplugs, I like those waxy ones from Boots. Take it in turns to sleep, there is no merit in both parents getting no sleep. If you commute by car, make sure you get enough sleep.

Sadly, when you go to pick up kids from school, expect to be an outsider to the group of mothers, they rarely talk to the dads. Watch the genius comedy "Motherland" to get an exaggerated version of this kind of thing and parenting

Don't stop making noise in the house, kids acclimatise. It was only after I played mostly acoustic recently that my youngest moaned when I started playing electric again more

When you do need to be quiet (as I did during her A levels), get Boss Waza headphones - they are the most realistic easy way to play electric

Use lullaby CDs on repeat to help your kids sleep. Our eldest slept this way even whilst a power chisel was in use on the other side of the wall next to her cot. Replace with good music later. Norah Jone's first CD was our mainstay, I even use it now myself to aid naps.

Take care of your back getting kids in and out of cars. I recommend a vehicle with higher seats, like an MPV.

ToneControl · August 2023

Get Life insurance. 25 years, level term. Probably £800k or so

ToneControl · August 2023

Don't let everyone kiss them. Babies can easily get herpes from cold sores.
I had a big argument with my parents about this, few people understand the risk.

Neonatal herpes (herpes in a baby) - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

ToneControl · August 2023

backup your photos

axisus · August 2023

Nothing really, the whole thing was just great fun and great times - as long as you are with the right person and have enough money to get by.

My one tip as they get a bit older is don't leave your guitars out. My Takamine has a dent from a lorry that was bounced off the front, and my Expensive Taylor has a headstock/neck repair as one of the kids knocked it over. This one was annoying as it was in its case, and you could drive over the case in a car! Solid as a rock, but .... I had a habit of slinging the guitar in then just doing up one clip. Quicker to take out again but not secured!

SpoonMan · August 2023

Don't worry about it. It comes automatically and there will be plenty of people around happy to tell you how to do things if you're stuck!

Chalky · August 2023

I know some say it is hard but I think that gives the wrong impression. I took to the baby stage very well, probably because of my experience of babies through relatives when I was a teenager. When my own came along I already had experience. I could prepare the bottle feed, change nappies, bath them, pick what to clothe them in for the day, get them to sleep, etc. But let's be honest - you will have that experience within the first few days.

Some Dads find it easy because they enjoy it all. Like getting a job where you are paid to do your hobby that you would do unpaid anyway.

The new Dad's attitude makes a big difference. My Dad taught me to treat some things in life the way I treat "going to the toilet" - they aren't tasks that you judge whether you want to do them or hate doing them or tolerate them (or whatever other judgement you want to make). You just do them, as and when needed.

Crying babies, pooey nappies, sleepless nights, tired partner, and so on, are just things a Dad deals with. Don't waste your brain power by judging how you feel about them, just do them - it is much easier being a dedicated Dad than a grumpy, moaning, "I don't get my hands dirty" Dad.

guitars4you · August 2023

When they are around 4-12 especially, but sure you are there to sometimes take them to school and pick them up - Walk don't drive - Buy a milk shake on the way home and listen to what they have to tell you, so no mobile interruptions

Make sure you attend some school nativity plays - Infant/Junior school parent invite days whereby you see them in the class room - My daughters school called it show and share

Like wise school sports days - And if they are doing it, the after school sports or Sunday mornings down the park with rugby, whatever

ie share their stories and excitement - Otherwise it will be gone before you no it

guitars4you · August 2023

Cranky said:

Have fun. Say “yes” to your kids. Be their cheer leader, not their coach and critic. Like what they like, read what they read, and do any little thing to let them know you were/are thinking about them.

Don’t be too cool for pretend. Be imaginative. Be a storyteller. Let them win. Play dumb and let them know it all.

And if your parents hurt you at all, if you have any gripes or baggage from youth, deal with it. Talk to someone. It will all resurface as you become a parent, all that programming will come back and you’ll catch yourself doing the same things to your kids.

probably best tip I've read

EricTheWeary · August 2023

Other parents are weird. As someone with a fairly liberal/PC/wokeish background I sort of assumed that that this roughly applied to people my age and younger (by the time we had our second son we would be pretty much the oldest parents at the school gate). But no, so many parents who were like an animated Daily Mail. And the dads who's only language was Football. In the end MrsTheWeary and I were more or less forcing ourselves on the Muslim parents. I suppose the tip is, as Thich Nhat Hanh might have said, it's an opportunity to practice patience. The other tip is not to quote Buddhist monks at people on the playground, very alienating.

Jfingers · August 2023

My only child/daughter is going to be 23 before the year is out. Overall I would have to say she's been the best experience of my life. Yes, there have been some traumas and panicky moments along the way, they're all filed away in the fun memory bank now.

It's not like I clicked on this thread specifically to cry, but it happened anyway. I've been tossing rep points around like confetti. I can't better the advice on this thread, only echo it. Top work by all concerned, OP just be natural, you'll find your way and be glad you did.

NothingOnTheTele · August 2023

EricTheWeary said:

don’t assume that everyone else finds your kids as interesting as you do (they really won’t).

My mates couldn't have made it more obvious that they didn't give a shit.

NothingOnTheTele · August 2023

rze99 said:

Learn to enjoy playing through your headphones and don’t give up the guitar even for a short while.

I plan to do just that. I'll sacrifice my other hobbies but I'm determined to keep practicing the guitar regularly - even if it's just 10 minutes a day.

hollywoodrox · August 2023

Petepassion said:

Like most things, in time it’s easy to become a little complacent.
Our daughter was born 9 weeks early, nearly lost her…and my wife.
Then at the age of 17 and her first week away from home at uni she was diagnosed with a 27cm cancer growing from her kidney.
She’s now 29, been in the clear since her treatment and achieved so much in her life.
Every time I hug her it’s the best feeling in the world…and always will be.

So pleased she is better

NothingOnTheTele · August 2023

Shrews said:

Keep a diary. Every day will be a first. The first smile, the first burp, the first nappy change, the first laugh, the first sneeze, crawl, walk, talk, first time you were angry, cried etc.

Give it to your child on their 18th, 21st, wedding day, graduation or when you see fit. It will be the best present your child will ever receive, and give you and your wife a welcome boost in years to come.

Love this idea. I wish my parents had done something like it. I keep a journal anyway, but I'll have a separate one for the child.

NothingOnTheTele · August 2023

ToneControl said:

Don't let everyone kiss them. Babies can easily get herpes from cold sores.
I had a big argument with my parents about this, few people understand the risk.

Neonatal herpes (herpes in a baby) - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

My wife was telling my about this. We have no intention of letting anyone kiss her. Frankly I would never presume to kiss someone's baby anyway. I don't understand why anyone would think it appropriate.

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What advice would you give a new dad?

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