Rules for playing live

camf · February 2014

This. http://somethingyousaid.com/2013/04/25/read-this-before-you-play-music-in-public/

Cirrus · February 2014

Nah, this is one of those articles that takes a strong stance on something because otherwise there'd be no point writing an article. Don't play a strat? Don't use more than 2 toms? uuurrgghhh....

TheOtherDennis · February 2014

Sorry, but you can't blame the guitar for the abuse being heaped upon it by "a thousand shitty pub bands." And I don't care if you don't like Clapton - millions don't - you can't 'ban' a guitar just cos he plays it. He plays Gibsons too, you know. Wanna ban them as well?

I don't care what it says on the guitarist's strap either. I'm not there to listen to his strap.

If the drummer is good enough to use more kit than is listed there, good on him. Even if he isn't, it's his kit, not yours. So long as he doesn't tell you what amp to bring, it's his decision, surely?

And if it's 110 in the shade, I don't care what the fashion police think, I'm wearing shorts.

Yeesh, some people really have way too much time on their hands.

siremoon · February 2014

Memo to Messrs Marvin, Gilmour & Knopfler. I've worked out where it all went wrong guys ...

:-S

camf · February 2014

Well it made me laugh... and at one time or anther I've been guilty of all of these crimes.

The23rdman · February 2014

Seems to me that the article has been written by someone from this book.

PolarityMan · February 2014

no more than 2 toms...are you fucking high?

Rocker · February 2014

2. Don’t wear shorts.

Everything must exist within the confines of its proper environment. Pele didn’t perform in jeans; Elvis didn’t perform in fucking shorts. Have some damn respect for your art.

(It should be noted that this rule may be utterly disregarded only by Angus Young and by women with nice legs)

3. Keep your shirt on.

It doesn’t matter if it’s 110 degrees up there and you have the torso of a curiously bronze Norse God, when a musician removes his shirt, he exposes himself as nothing more than a bit of a tool.

-----------

I am inclined to agree with the above quotes and the reference to a bass guitar [needs 4 strings and frets and not look like part of a moose antler (paraphrasing his comment a little). I agree too that wireless guitar 'connections' are needless for most of us - some might argue that NO connection is better. But that is for another day.

Thanks to the OP for highlighting this information. You did a good days work, Sir.

ICBM · February 2014

The first five are stupid. Even the one about bass guitars, which I happen to agree with for me, but some great music has been played on five/six string basses held at nipple-covering height.

The last five are absolutely bang on though.

ThePrettyDamned · February 2014

Ooo, it only needed 2 'rules' before it broke out 'women, get yer legs out'. ¬_¬

Also, with regards to wearing an instrument too high. If you play lively music, fuck off am I swinging it around my ankles. I need to be able to go from 16th roots and powerchords to tapping out a riff in a split second. It's difficult enough doing it sat down... Not every pub band wants to churn out endless punk and classic rock covers.

Oh, and no way you're allowed to perform with any sense of showmanship or expression. Jesus, what is it you're doing, trying to entertain people?!

In short, you need to be these guys.

Because otherwise you're a twat.

hugbot · February 2014

Yes, dont play a strat. Play a tele or an offset. How will you ever be cool if you dont play what every other band does these days?

monquixote · February 2014

5 string Warwick and Strat player.

If it offends small minded knob heads who write lists then all the better.

Cirrus · February 2014

I do agree with the not requesting monitor changes thing. People always look like divas when they do that, even if they're completely reasonable in their request. No matter how bad it sounds to me, and I've played on some shocking stages, I'll try to keep a smile on my face and battle through because the audience have more fun if they think you're having fun.

OilCityPickups · February 2014

It does raise a few interesting points ...

I think audiences deserve professionalism from a band ... and in my book that goes further than just knowing your material. people listen with their eyes as well as their ears, so personally I always get annoyed with bands that look like they've not made an effort. And yes ... I know some bands cultivate an 'anti image' ... but in my book that must be an obvious choice, not just a result of not being arsed.

A pet hate of mine is singers trying to be 'clever' with audiences between songs. There are very few front men who can really 'talk' to a crowd ... and less is definitely more on that score. I suppose it comes under the 'hello Aldershot' rule ... but hearing some numpty tell me which Stones album their next cover is off of, or asking a bunch of complete strangers how they're doing boils my blood

Just get on with it!

octatonic · February 2014

1. Rock out.

2. Preferably with cock out.

mike_l · February 2014

I do agree on the taking off shirt thing.

Especially me. Due to a big fuck-off scar.....

bobblehat · February 2014

I was with him all the way to No.10

Everyone needs a shred face! Your not trying hard enough if you ain't got one.

digitalscream · February 2014

I actually disagree with all those rules, except possibly the Aldershot one (mostly because I doubt I'll ever play in Aldershot).

There are good reasons (okay, some are just reasons) for doing all those things. I can imagine watching this guy's band is a pretty boring and/or soul-sucking experience.

BenSirAmos · February 2014

I didn't roll on the floor laughing but as a light-hearted bit of content the article didn't offend me as much as some of you miseryguts.

ESBlonde · February 2014

If you need to be told the rules, are you ready for the Dog and Duck yet?

Stick to the youth club scene and private parties for 16 Year olds.

ICBM · February 2014

bobblehat said:

I was with him all the way to No.10

Everyone needs a shred face! Your not trying hard enough if you ain't got one.

I *especially* agree with him on that one.

"Guitar face" actually puts me off listening to players who do it. Worse even than foot-on-the-monitor rock wankery. (Although that's close.)

ChrisMusic · February 2014

Did someone mention Robin Trower's wah face, or Haim's bass face, ...sure you did...

monquixote · February 2014

ChrisMusic said:

Did someone mention Robin Trower's wah face, or Haim's bass face, ...sure you did...

This proves the rule is wrong. Bass Face is the best thing about Haim.

ICBM · February 2014

monquixote said:
This proves the rule is wrong. Bass Face is the best thing about Haim.

Possibly, since they don't have anything else memorable about them.

I find Trower hard to listen to without mentally picturing his ridiculous gurning.

thatbliss · February 2014

I agree with all of them actually. You look like a penis in shorts with a guitar, strats are boring and hum like fuckers.

maltingsaudio · February 2014

Anyone remember those eye spy books of my youth? Well my idea is to get one published up using these points and given out free in smash hits, it might encourage more kids to more gigs!

TheOtherDennis · February 2014

BenSirAmos said:

I didn't roll on the floor laughing but as a light-hearted bit of content the article didn't offend me as much as some of you miseryguts.

Excuse me, but I take great pride in being a misery guts in as many situations as possible. It's not easy, you know, and takes quite a bit of work to sap the life and humour out of every situation, so have some respect for us charmless old gits, we have our place* too, you know.

*Usually it's out in the shed on our own cos no one can stand to be with is for more than 30 seconds or so, but it's still a place, and it's still ours, thank you very much.

daveyh · February 2014

Disagree with 4 and 5, the rest? Bang on LoLs

Pyroman · February 2014

Disagree with pretty much all, except for the monitor and website ones- that does come off as kinda tacky. Being a contrary bastard, I'd take great satisfaction knowing that I'm pissing all over the rules by playing a strat, in shorts, with my big ol beer belly out for all to see! Hopefully that sight would scare the back row scowlers right out of the club!

The writer comes off as far more of a tool than anyone breaking these "rules" that I've ever seen.

Fez · February 2014

Ref Hardings theory of humour.

thomasw88 · March 2014

I thought it was quite amusing. Lighten up you bunch of miserables..

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